Battling bipolar disorder, accident injury and cancer, this doctor taught hope to his students in med school
Doctors are expected to have answers for their patients. But what if they don’t have any for themselves? That was the predicament that 44-year-old Dr A, a trusted general physician, found himself in. But perhaps as a hope-giver, he learnt to heal himself as he battled bipolar disorder, a severe accident trauma and rectal cancer, finding his own answers along the way. Dr A, who is now a professor of medicine, is an inspiration to his students, his infectious energy rubbing off on them as he shares the story of his life. “For people may admire superheroes but learn from other people like themselves,” he says.
He had no apparent reason to develop a mental health condition. A happy childhood in Kerala, a high achiever, a football player and a singer, he had a stable upbringing. With his father as teacher, he couldn’t have asked for better guidance during his teen years. After completing his MBBS degree from a college in south India, he got a job with a Central government institute, which meant he was posted in remote areas that lacked primary healthcare infrastructure, including the northeastern parts of the country. “I got the opportunity to train myself to be a good doctor despite the limited resources. My work was noticed and I got a big city posting, won several awards,” he says.
With life on an even keel, Dr A did what every suitable Indian boy does; he decided to marry his long-time girlfriend and settle down in 2006. He says he didn’t know then that she had had a troubled and scarred childhood which impacted her relationship with himself and his family members. “The going was good initially, even when we had not married, but day-to-day living meant that her unresolved issues created friction points. Both of us ended up squabbling and snapping at each other and had sleepless nights. This affected both our physical and mental health. We ended up blaming each other and negative emotions of anger, helplessness and despair welled up inside me. This toxic relationship got to me and broke my emotional threshold,” says he. Within a year of his marriage, in 2007, Dr A, who was just 28 then, showed the first signs of a bipolar disorder, a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels and concentration, euphoric at one moment, enraged the next and sedated and dazed during bouts of depression. These shifts can make it difficult for a person to carry out day-to-day tasks. In fact, the hyperactivity in the upswing phase is so much that the person may surprise everybody around them with their productivity, brilliance and enthusiasm. Truth is these are just temporary peaks before the descent into darkness.
As a doctor, he had a better understanding of his condition. “Such disorders are not always a result of childhood trauma, genetics or some deep-seated abnormality. A stressful relationship can be a trigger. For every outburst that she initiated, I would match her fury, causing acts of unexpected aggression and outbursts. Researchers have indicated functional problems of neurotransmitters as aggravating bipolar disorders, but are still not clear whether they are the cause or result of a bipolar disorder,” says Dr A, who decided on getting his wife evaluated by a psychiatrist. It was here that the mental health professional asked him to take care of himself too. “I thought he was suggesting good sleep and lifestyle correction,’’ he adds. Despite these consultations, the spousal fights continued till one day he had such a manic outburst that he was admitted to hospital.
Acceptance of his condition wasn’t easy for him, leave alone his parents who thought that all he needed to do was sleep. Dr A had to remain in hospital for a month as he had severe manic episodes. “I was on medication that needed monitoring besides bouts of mania. I was feeling terribly constrained in that room and was in complete denial,” he says.
Once out of the hospital, he became more self-aware. So, he got a divorce and made sure that he took his medication, worked on self-care and that there was no severe manic episode. Bipolar disorder requires a long treatment with life-long medication, even during happy phases. Anybody who skips maintenance treatment can have a relapse.
Dr A has learnt to channel his hyperactive energies with the help of a psychiatrist. “There are these less manic phases called hypomania, when I think faster, harder, better, clearer and have more creative ideas. I actually perform much better. Most bipolar patients go through this phase called the superman syndrome,” he explains. These crests are usually followed by sudden dips into despair but Dr A has managed to ride it out with some therapy. “Meeting a psychiatrist was a huge stigma. In the West, people accept they need mental health guidance but in India we still have a long way to go,” he says. As he regained control over himself, he began meeting people, found a woman who empathised with his condition, and married her. Since his bipolar disorder was triggered by a relationship that turned sour, it took another relationship to keep Dr A stable.
By the time he started feeling better, there were fresh challenges. A major accident in 2018 meant he was in hospital for months and in the ICU for 25 days, traumatising enough to push him over the edge.
Still, he focussed on his practice, taking care of his patients during the pandemic. “I got so busy during Covid that I barely paid heed to my body. Then one day I started bleeding and tests revealed that I had developed stage three cancer of the rectum. That year was 2021,” says Dr A. “Doctors removed parts of my large intestine. A month of ICU, chemotherapy and radiotherapy cycles followed. Now only my small intestines are functional. The side-effect of therapy has meant that I have frequent urination, sometimes up to 12 times a day. This affects my sleep, which can be a trigger for my depression,” he adds. That’s why he has started yoga and meditation, the practice of yoga nidra having calmed him down a lot and helping tide over his sleep deficit. Managing bipolar is admittedly tough, now he has to watch out for a relapse of cancer. But as he teaches his students, who ask him more questions, he has found the answers to the many tough ones life asks of him.
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