Miss Manners: My dinner party menu is a minefield of dietary restrictions

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I invited two other couples to dinner. Both couples immediately accepted the invitation, but informed me of the following: One guest is on a low-salt diet and is trying to cut out sugar. Another is avoiding gluten and dairy. The third said he doesn’t eat meat, and the fourth is allergic to fish. What do I do?

GENTLE READER: This is what happens when we listen to the crowd who insists we dispense with etiquette because it exalts form over substance. They justify themselves by citing a mythical time when guests were barred from alerting hosts to serious medical conditions — and were presumably then wheeled off to the emergency room during dessert.

Good hosts have always wanted their guests to survive the evening. They also want guests to enjoy themselves. And good guests, for their part, never wanted to put their hosts to unnecessary trouble.

In your case, Miss Manners has no hesitation in recommending you provide alternatives for the vegetarian, the guest with a fish allergy, and even the one on a diet.

It is the guests who are merely “avoiding” things that baffle her. The simplest solution may be to describe the proposed meal in advance in the hopes of finding out if these avoidances stem from serious conditions — or if the guests are merely repeating doctor’s instructions that they have no intention of following.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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