Doctor Dismissing Menopause Symptoms? Here‘s What to Say

Limmer suggests saying something like: “This is really affecting my ability to finish tasks that I can normally finish without any trouble. It’s incredibly disruptive to my sleep, and it’s really affecting my marriage and my friendships.” 

Maybe you can no longer go for your morning walk because your joints hurt, or you had to quit organizing book-club meetings because of your brain fog. Whatever the case may be, “Using words that really emphasize how much distress it has caused and how disruptive it has been to things you normally do will hopefully get people’s attention,” Limmer says.

“I’m hearing you, but I want to understand why this is or isn’t right for me.”

One of the best questions for women to ask their doctor, Jordan says, is whether hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might be right for them. The answer depends on a variety of factors, including your medical history and your family history.

If your doctor immediately says no, or that they don’t believe in HRT—which a growing body of science suggests is safe and effective—you can push back. Ask them to explain their reasoning. “It’s OK to demand an answer,” Jordan says, “just like you would if you had a specific achy joint or a specific lab value.”

“Is there anyone in your practice who has a specialty in menopause that I might be able to see next time?”

If you can tell your provider doesn’t know much about menopause—maybe they’re struggling to answer your questions about specific treatments, or they tell you they’re not comfortable prescribing HRT—it might be time to move on. Limmer recommends asking if they can refer you to someone who has a menopause certification; you can find practitioners through the search tools offered by The Menopause Society and International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.

“As doctors…it’s our responsibility to make sure patients get to the person who does have that expertise,” Limmer says. If you believe you can get better care with a different provider, you’re absolutely within your right to make a change, she adds.

“Can you document that I asked for this, and your reasoning why you don’t feel comfortable prescribing it?”

If you bring up a treatment you’d like to try and your doctor says no, ask them to document that in your medical chart. In addition to creating a record that could be useful for future providers, “You’re making them think about it again,” says Helen Stearns, a nurse practitioner and certified menopause specialist.

It also feels good to know you’re advocating for yourself, instead of allowing your concerns to be minimized or dismissed. “Keep trying, because there is hope, and there is help out there,” she says. “I like to tell women that you’re not going crazy, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Whatever you’re feeling in your body is very real” and deserves to be taken seriously.

TIME for You: Menopause is presented by Hers

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