Asking Eric: Fitness-focused woman keeps tabs on who had seconds and who helped themselves to dessert

DEAR ERIC: I have a sibling who is very focused on healthy eating, exercising regularly and maintaining a BMI within a very narrow (low-normal) range. She has always had the economic support to easily afford this lifestyle.

She also carries a thinly-veiled disdain for those whose dietary choices or exercise habits are less pristine than what she considers healthy. At large and small family gatherings, she notices who went back for seconds, and who ate how many helpings of dessert; and makes a “joke” about it (to others/not to the culprit).

I find this attitude and these jokes not only offensive, but unenlightened and embarrassing.

Yet I’m at a loss as to what to say to quash the attitude. What are your thoughts?

– Food for Thought

DEAR THOUGHT: How boring her life must be that she entertains herself by staring down other people’s meals. This kind of mockery may feel good in the moment, but it’s made of such empty, miserable calories. Yuck.

There’s likely little you can do to get your sibling to cut it out, because these kinds of comments are so often rooted in a person’s own insecurities. It may come off as superiority or an honest concern for another person’s health, but if she really felt superior, she wouldn’t need to make a whole show out of it.

Next time it happens, point it out: “I don’t find that funny and it makes you seem mean. If you’re genuinely concerned about that relative, you could say something kindly and privately, but these jokes ruin the time we have together. It will be a lot more fun if we keep our opinions about other people’s bodies to ourselves and our eyes on our own plates.”

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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